구원간증/ Testimony

The Hardship Became The Way

Jae-sung Kim (Kuhje Central Church)


In all probability I wasn`t the type of person who was able to be saved. I was not a man
who had been earnest in religion, nor had attended church since I was child. In my family,
there was no one who had ever attended church. For me, who was that kind of person, a
motive to receive salvation was there.

When I was in army, I served as a boiler man. It was not a small boiler that was used in
a home. I maintained two boilers that were as big as a house. By operating the boilers, I
heated the camp and military barracks as well as the moorings which was the place where a
plane landed and departed. Before discharging from the military for about six months, I
diligently tried to take care of myself. After I entrusted the work of boiler operations to my
junior soldiers, I spent my time reading newspapers in a warm boiler room while wearing
underwear.

One day, a certain junior soldier was operating the boiler without knowing the chimney was
shut. The boiler was installed to ignite automatically by pushing the button, but opening and
closing the chimney was manual. Ordinarily, the chimney was shut in order to prevent heat
leaking out of the boiler room through the chimney. We opened the chimney only when the
boiler was operating. Then, a junior solder pushed the button without opening the chimney.
As the fuel was flowing continuously, the burned and unburned gas began to fill the boiler
room where the chimney was shut.

I was reading the newspaper beside the warm boiler that day in order to nurse myself. All
of sudden, with a pop, massive flames appeared in front of me. Without enduring the
pressure, the unburned fuel exploded everywhere and it was on fire. The scene still lingers
in my eyes. At that moment, I thought that people would die in that fashion. The huge
flames soon overtook me. It happened in a flash. Fortunately the unburned oil didn`t fall on
my face because I covered it with the newspaper. However, I was burned from top to
bottom.

Because there was a great pop in a sudden, officers and soldiers from the camp, who were
indicated that something had happened, ran into the boiler room. Before the sudden accident,
I didn`t know what to do. I had been trained on the second and third degree burning before.
At that moment, reality made me feel these symptoms on my body. When I felt my face
become heavy, a blister began to emerge on my face. I tried to shake my jaw because it
was heavy. My head was as heavy as an motorcycle helmet due to the blisters. Both my
hands and feet of both sides were as heavy as sandbags. While I didn`t know what to do, a
soldier shouted, "Is there any soju (Korean liquor) here?" Taking every bottle of soju, they
poured it onto my body. While they poured soju on me to take away the fire vapor, I lost
my consciousness. I regained my senses after a while. I was being carried into a hospital
by an ambulance.

As soon as I was carried at a hospital, doctors put me in an operation room and began to
tear the blisters off of my body. They tore the skins on my hands, feet, and face with a
kind of hook. After that, they began to massage the scars with medicine. Every strange
noise burst out of my mouth because it was so painful. At that moment I wasn`t aware of
the rank of the army. I screamed curses to the doctors and fluttered my feet. Then, doctors
put cotton in my mouth and made soldiers hold my hands and feet in order to prevent
fluttering. They continued to massage my body with medicine. I lost my consciousness
again. When I awoke, I found out that I was moved to another room. I shouted because it
was so painful. Although I shouted, it was just moaning because the burns were so severe.
Then I lost my consciousness again. This was repeated several times and it was so painful.

While I had the pain, a series of strange thoughts emerged in me. Before I joined the army,
I had attended a Bible study at a mission which was named `Navigator` with my elder
brother. Because it was a class organized by nurses in a big hospital, my brother tempted
me by saying `I`ll introduce a lady to you. Let`s go together.` Ladies like angels were
sitting there, and the meeting atmosphere was so good that I attended the study group once
or twice. I had the Bible study in this fashion. Whenever I attended the study, I memorized
Bible verse which was written in a small card. When I was laid in the hospital in pain, a
few verses of the Bible that I had memorized revived in my head. "Go to now, ye that say,
Today or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell,
and get gain: Whereas ye know not what shall be on tomorrow. For what is your life?"
(James 4:13,14). While this verse passed through my head, I thought, "Life is so vain. In
my young age, I don`t know whether I will live or not due to my burning. What is life?
They say that there is hell after death where fire burns like a blast furnace and that it is an
eternal place for men." However, the burning of my face and body was so serious that there
was only way for me; it was dying. Although I feared death, I shouted to people `kill me
please` because the pain was so severe.

After a week passed this way, the pain began to disappear little by little. As I experienced
this great agony, I realized that our body has a system like fuse that was in electricity
materials. When the pain reached at top, the system allowed man not feel the pain any
more. When I passed the limit of pain, I could see myself. After two days, doctors tore
bandages that was stuck in my body. I heard a sound of tearing. The rotten skin was tore
off with the bandages and blood dropped from it. Without special pain and emotion, I saw it.
It was as if I was separated from my body.

After about ten days, new skin began to grow. As the new skin arose, it became so painful
from the itching. Doctors told me that I had to endure the itching because scratching might
cause scars. There was a limit to the endurance. However, I couldn`t hold back the itching.
There was nobody that could control this type of itching. I relieved the itching with cold
water although it was not satisfied. When I saw the mirror for the first time since the
accident was happened, my face was clear because of the new skin. I expected that my face
would be distorted and I would became like a monster due to the scar, but it was not. The
old skin was peeled off and new skin covered it. I sincerely hoped that any scar would not
emerge because I had a lot of time to live in the future. Time passed so fast. After being
hospitalized for three months, I left the hospital, and a few days later, I was discharged from
the army.

For a few time after my release, I thought about God and the pain of hell. However, not
long after, I forgot the painful memory. It seemed that I would be well in a worldly thing.
In Seoul, I lived earnestly in my own way. Meanwhile I went down to my hometown on
Thanksgiving. At that time, my elder brother was operating a lighting equipment store. He
asked me to collect bills because he was busy. It was drizzling at sunset, so I couldn`t see
the front. As I was riding an motorcycle with speed, I saw three men walking across the
path, so I slightly reduced my speed. Then, one man suddenly stopped. I applied the brakes,
but it was too late. So I hit the man with my motorcycle. He fell off the path after flying
about ten meters, and I fell off my motorcycle, too. A crowd of people rushed towards us.

The man who was hit was an owner of a big hospital. And the other two people was an
investigation chief of police and a public officer of city hall. On their way back from a
schoolmate meeting, the accident occurred. Because the man who was hit was a socially
positioned person and the policeman was there on the spot, I had no way to escape from it.

The man was carried to his hospital immediately. There was nothing strange about him
outwardly, but he didn`t awaken. One and two days passed, but he didn`t awaken. The
doctors said that they would acknowledge he was dead if he did not awaken after a few
days. It was so miserable for me. I trembled with fear at the hospital without sleeping at
all. When I was dropped off to sleep on a chair, the policeman yelled at me, "You fool! Do
you have any time to sleep? Huh?" He didn`t treat me as a human. As time passed, I
worried about my miserable life rather than the other man`s life. If he died, I would spend
my whole life in prison. This thought made me feel terrible. `What is life?` It was so
vain.

After two days, he was awakened. Fortunately he had no strange symptoms. He asked his
friend what had happened. The man explained that I hit him with my motorcycle. How
good and gentle man he was! He called me close to him and asked, "How old are you?
Where are you working for? ..." And he asked me in detail what was going on. Then he
called the policeman and said, "It would be good for us to open this young man`s way in the
future. Why don`t we forget what has happened?" At that time, I had no driver license, so
there was no way to escape the crime I had committed. The policeman said that I should be
sentenced to prison, but the man persuaded him to pardon me. Finally I was free without
paying any hospital fees. The policeman told me that he would arrest me if I would leave
Yuhsoo city before December 31st because nobody knew what would happened to the man in
the future. I, who was timid-hearted, really believed what he said, and was scared, so I
stayed at my house until December 31st.

In those days, my elder brother was saved and attended Yuhsoo Central Church. It was
when the church was first established. My brother led me to the church. Because I
experienced the misery of life, I followed him. At that time, I had the knowledge of the
gospel in my head because I had studied the Bible at Navigator before. So, I didn`t realize
that I was someone who should receive salvation.

Whenever I went to the church, I hid a few cigarettes inside my socks. In the middle of
service, I wanted to smoke badly. From then on, I couldn`t listen to any Words. I only
thought about the service finishing. The chapel stood in the middle of a mountain hill.
After finishing the service, everyone went down the hill except me; I went up the hill in
order to smoke. My heart was not free when I smoked on the hill because I felt that I was
having a two-faced life as a church-goer. One time, I crunched the cigarette and made up
my mind that I would never smoke. With a new heart, I brushed my teeth at my house, but
no later than five minutes, I couldn`t cover my mind to smoke. When I was hospitalized in
the army before, I smoked a lot due to anxiety. I smoked three packs every day, and after
that, I also smoked to that limit. Having a cigarette was hard for me because I was a
church-goer. In my head, I knew that Jesus died on the cross for my sin and that I had
become a righteous man by believing in Jesus, but in fact, the truth had nothing to do with
my life. I was living without any relation to the Words. So my heart was always uneasy.

Meanwhile, I had gone to Seoul to buy a machine. At that time, the `83 winter retreat was
being held in the Seoul First Church. My brother said to me, "You don`t have any place to
sleep in Seoul. You can sleep at the church at night and do your business in the daytime."
So I attended the winter retreat. Pastor Ock Soo Park was preaching the Words about
General Naaman of 2 Kings, chapter 5. "Because Naaman adorn his outward armor,
everybody gave respect calling him `General! General!` But his skin was rotting inside his
armor. Nobody knew Naaman was a leper except himself. He was forward before the
prophet in order to be cure his leprosy." As I heard the words of God, my two-faced image
was reflected through the Word.

After the sermon, he asked for people who had sins to raise their hands. I raised my hand.
I was ashamed of putting my hand up because only few people had raised theirs. I had
counseling with a pastor. He asked me, "Do you have sin?" "No, I don`t." "Then why did
you raise your hand?" "I had only one sin. So I raised my hand." "What`s that?"
"Although I was attending church, I am smoking. For that sin, I raised my hand." As he
listened of how I received Jesus and received the gospel, he told me "It`s too late. Go to
sleep and I`ll talk to you tomorrow." I knew the fact that Jesus already forgave our sins
and we could be saved by believing in Him. However, it was a theory in my head, and my
heart was not freed from sin.

That night when I was sleeping at the church, the pastor`s words, `You will go to hell
because of smoking` didn`t disappear from my heart. When I thought of the time of being
burned in the army and that would be eternal made me feel terrible. As the Words, saying,
`as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them
that believe on his name`, I felt that I had received Jesus, but my heart was still pressed by
sin. As I saw my hypocritical self and that I hid my life, my heart was on agony. That
night, I couldn`t sleep well. Other people were sleeping well, but I wasn`t able to, thinking
about what I had experienced in the army. I wanted to listen from the pastor the following
day on how I could escape from going to hell. My heart was so uneasy. With a thought of
`If my soul would go to the eternal punishment, what should I do right now?`, I waited until
the morning.

When I woke up in the morning, I went to the pastor and asked him to talk. He said,
"Let`s talk after service." During the service, nothing was heard in my ear. I waited with a
thought of `At any rate, I would gain the assurance of salvation through counseling with the
pastor after service.` The pastor brought a woman and told me "After talking with this
woman, I will deliver the Words. Please wait." I later found out that the woman was
someone who had heard the gospel from the pastor during the 1st retreat, but was still
doubtful. The woman repeatedly said `I`m confused` while she was listening to the pastor`s
Words. The pastor delivered the gospel in detail continuously. Sitting behind them, I tried
to listen to what they were talking about. Then the pastor told me `Wait over there!` He
might have thought that I was those who should be humble my heart. The situation of the
woman and mine was quite different, so the pastor asked me to wait a little.

Sitting behind the pastor, I was listening to what the pastor was saying. "Ye know that ye
were Gentiles, carried away unto these dumb idols, even as ye were led" (1 Corinthians 12:2).
These Words touched my mind. I started to realize why I was dragged by sin. When I
heard the Words, I found out that I was a dead man before God. Because I didn`t realize
`myself` who was already dead, I tried hard to do something. My true self was seen while I
heard the words of God. With the Words `you hath he quickened, who were dead in
trespasses and sins" (Ephesians 2:1), I received the salvation.

Seeing the woman who was still in confusion with the pastor`s explanation, I edged myself
into their conversation, saying, "That story means this." Then the pastor said, "Why do you
interfere? Sit down over there, please." While I sat down behind them, I interfered with
their talking again while the woman became impatient because she didn`t understand what
was said. Then the pastor told me to sit down back again. Later, after he had heard what
I had said, the pastor told me to sit down next to him. So I listened to him. The pastor
seemed to know that I had realized the gospel.

In this way, I discovered the gospel which is an unspeakable blessing of God. The sin,
which had pressed my heart, disappeared when the Words of God came into me. It couldn`t
drag me any longer. As the `forgiveness of sin` was accomplished in my heart, I could
testify the salvation of my heart. The gospel of salvation changed my life in reality.

I thank God that He changed my life which was the same as hell into the most blessed one.
When I was burned in the army and when I had the accident that almost killed a man, my
life seemed to collapse. My young days seemed to be flying away. However, my terrible
life became the way to meet Jesus. It also became the way for me to burn worldly desires
without any regrets.